By Yves A. Didier
There’s a little clicking sound as I switch off my old King KL-135 before pulling back the mixture. My 172’s Continental O-300 starts to slow down, and with a light shudder and a protesting cough the prop finally stops spinning.
Sudden silence surrounds me, were it not for the gyros that are gently winding down. It’s a familiar, almost comforting whirring, suggesting the plane’s content after another good flight.
Of course, that may just be my imagination.
But ever since the Skyhawk found its way into my life seven years earlier, it has been a trusted, reliable companion.
After a short hop back from Santa Paula, I am at my home base again, Whiteman Airport (KWHP) in Los Angeles, and all is well. I do not know yet that this will be the last time I have taken to the skies as PIC.
After more than 30 years of flying it was over. Just like that.
A few days later I find myself in the hospital. What I thought would be a routine medical visit, possibly with a few prescribed pills on the way out, instead lands me in the operating room. Waking up from surgery, reality sinks in, but only slowly.
“OK, with all that behind me, I will be able to fly again, right?” I immediately ask.
The doctor’s reaction appears subdued, the response evasive. It’s like being told “this may be just a little uncomfortable” right before the surgeon sticks a long needle into your spine without anesthesia. Real life translation: It’s going to hurt real bad.
This is no different. The truth is: I’m done.
You don’t know me, we have never met. However, I’m a pilot. Or rather, past tense, I was a pilot.
I am still trying to figure it out, actually. Are you no longer a pilot once you stop flying? Or is it once a pilot, always a pilot?
After all, you’ve earned your wings, and in some way that skillset and frame of mind will always stay with you, be a part of you. And I’ve worked hard for my ticket, so I’m not going to give up without a fight. There’s got to be a way. Somehow.
What follows are 12 long and frustrating months dealing with the FAA. The personal attention I receive from Oklahoma City (none) and the overall administrative process leave me, shall we say, “greatly underwhelmed.”
So does the end result of my struggles. My flying days are over for good.
The defeat and the sense of disappointment are a bitter pill to swallow. To some extent, I believe it’s a control issue: If there is one thing we crave as pilots, it’s being in control.
I have always been uneasy about heights, for instance, except when flying my own plane. No matter how irrational this may be, manipulating its controls and being in charge of this aerial vehicle gave me the feeling that I’m the master of my own fate. Perhaps this is what makes accepting that I am no longer in control — not even over my own body — so difficult.
At the same time, although it’s hard, I also try to be wise about it.
Had my medical condition remained undetected and caught up with me in flight, things could have turned ugly really fast, possibly even with someone else getting hurt.
Also, in contrast to so many other pilots who lost their medical much earlier in life, at least I can look back on over 30 years of flying.
Was it enough? Hell no.
While those three decades translate into an (un)healthy amount of $150 hamburgers at various airport restaurants all over Southern California, even the occasional “Buffalo-Burger” at Catalina Island’s Airport in the Sky, I certainly was hoping for more — time, that is, not hamburgers.
More importantly, during all those years I connected with some truly remarkable people. For the most part, they were kind, honest, helpful, and down to earth folks. Many had a great sense of humor. They all were pilots. (Ask me about ATC’s sense of humor some other time).
Not to mention the adventures, sights, and emotions only a small part of the population is privileged to experience. Whether it’s a night flight over LA, with sparkling city lights below you, reaching far beyond the horizon, or landing on an island runway after 30 minutes at 6,500 feet over the Pacific Ocean, or even getting stranded with a dead battery at a desert airfield in the middle of nowhere, we all have our stories. And the longer you fly, the more there will be.
By now, my 172 has found a new owner.
If you’re old enough to have ever driven a 1970s Volkswagen Bug, you know they all smell exactly the same inside. Honestly! I wonder if that is also true for 1960s-era Skyhawks.
I may never know, but I already miss the smell of mine, plus its unique sounds and the sensation of flight, of course. The final seconds before touchdown, carefully aligning this marvelous flying machine with the runway after a late afternoon cruise over California’s deserts, the coastline, or even LA’s suburbs — it’s priceless. (“Priceless” also describes the exorbitant cost of aircraft ownership today, which I will NOT miss, by the way).
Looking back, my greatest regret is the floatplane rating I always thought about will not happen now. Nor will those long cross-country flights I had planned in the future, once I retire or have more time “some day.”
Putting those adventures off because of work, family obligations, lack of funds, or the perceived lack of time was my decision. In hindsight, it was a poor one, a missed opportunity.
Don’t make the same mistake. Your flying days as PIC are precious. They also will end eventually, you just don’t know when yet. Therefore, better make today “some day.”
Avoiding meat and fried food is one of the best gifts a pilot can give themselves for a long experience in flying. I haven’t eaten a hamburger or any red meat in over 30 years. No meds at all at 74. And even if one cannot pass as a sports pilot or basic med, there is always the “Legal Eagle”. Put a BRS on it and don’t worry. Get some exercise. Enjoy the experience.
Very poignant and poetic…
Since the implantation of a pacemaker with defibrillator, my PIC days are over and gone. I still enjoy and embrace flying memories, though, and always will. Priceless!! I’m proud to be among the few who have learned to fly.
Now…, at my advanced age, I know that I can still experience flying again with an instructor or safety pilot. I’d better do it sooner than later — before it is too late!! 😉
— Garry Campbell
I would suggest building a 1/4 or 1/3
scale Radio Controlled Cub or perhaps a C-172 ( from plans). Meet new flying friends in a local RC club and participate in a really fun flying hobby. I still get pre flight butterflies before each flight not unlike flying my old Cessna 140 back in the 70s.😉
A truly heart wrenching story, not unfamiliar to me. It was 1974, I had just a couple more hours to log before scheduling my Commercial check ride. Then the unexpected happened, my intended career as a pilot was abruptly ended when the Navy misdiagnosed me as having epilepsy. Mind you, I had no history of seizures or any thing that would fit with such a diagnosis.
After being medically discharged and back home in Northern California I sought out Neurologists to determine if I had epilepsy…the answer was a NO, the Doctors put in writing. Well, my experience with the FAA was not a good one, when I wrote to them with my evidence of being misdiagnosed by the Navy, they weren’t receptive. They basically told me one Doctor said you were epileptic, so you are and we just don’t care how many Doctors say you aren’t.
The emotional body-slam of not being able to fly has never gone away completely. Now I’m sneaking up on 70, and yes, I could most likely get a Basic Med, but the hours it would take to get current again (a lot has changed) is just not financially doable. But yes, once a pilot always a pilot.
There is no end .You can still fly the left seat with a CFI and a rental plane. I do it several times a year.
Know what you mean. I started lessons when I was 66; got my ticket when I was 67; and self-regulated and quit flying after experiencing vertigo while unplugging a bass amp when I was 72 in early 2015.
Had many pleasant one-hour trips taking friends and relatives South on sightseeing trips down the Wisconsin side of the Mississippi River and up the Iowa and Minnesota side, giving Young Eagles and Boy Scouts rides, and getting $100 hamburgers in Wausau and Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
Being an old, old, Air Force explosives safety guy discretion was the better part of valor. I did, however, remain in the local EAA and flying club until now. And I’ve been fortunate to be a member of the regional airport board for nine years.
I miss being a PIC but I’m still unplugging that same bass amp with regularity.
Like being a Marine, being a Pilot is a state of mind. Once a Marine, always a Marine. Once a Pilot, always a Pilot.
I’m 68 and have dreamed of getting my PPL for years. I restarted lessons last summer but stopped for a while when my wife was incapacitated by a serious Covid “vaccination” injury but resumed them this year. There’s no telling how long she’ll need 24/7 caregiving, and it is EXPENSIVE, and she’s worth it, but I’m done with putting my life on hold until the planets align.
I have yet to solo, and with rare exceptions, even my worst flying lessons are exciting and fun. It’ll be a real thrill to be PIC in command and take my wife for a spin when she’s recovered enough to ride in the plane.
I feel for your loss, but you survived the “incident”, and you have 30 years of memories to savor. I’m hoping to get at least 30 years of memories, too.
I’ll be 82 in November, take no meds and have no health issues that I’m aware of, plus my flight instructor says I land better than he does and make no errors while flying. However, after a recent flight where I did two nice landings, as I taxied back to our hangar I thought, “perhaps it’s time to hang it up while I’m still on top rather than waiting until the insurance company says ‘sorry’ or some health issue raises it’s ugly head.” So now our 2005 Cessna 182T is on the sale block looking for a new owner. It was a great ride for the past 11 years but there comes a time in life when one must decide to move on to something else. I didn’t receive my pilot’s license until I was 69 years old but it fulfilled a dream of flying that I had ever since I was stationed at a Naval Air Station many years
ago. In addition insurance premiums for me have reached a ridiculous level and planes are selling for an all time high. Do I want to sell our plane and stop flying? The answer is no but common sense and reasoning tells me it’s time. I do consider myself still a pilot though, and I intend to stay current with Medical Self-Assessment and physicals, as I feel I’ll never loose that ability to fly a plane; sort of like riding a bicycle that I learned to ride when I was 5 years old and can still ride.
Have faced similar circumstances where yes, I could probably fly sport pilot but in reality I’m not safe to fly solo anymore. It does hurt, but several years ago (right after I had to stop flying), Jamie Beckett addressed this specific issue in a couple separate articles. I can’t find either online right now, but this phrase from one has stuck with me:
“It’s all about attitude in the end. Do we flail around shaking our fist at the oncoming darkness, or do we stand in awe of the sunset and bask in the memories of the day that led to it?”
And yes, once a pilot, always a pilot. When you’re ready, find an EAA chapter, a pilots’ group, or go wander around the airport on a weekend afternoon. I did that and it helped me. I also volunteered to do the administrative work for a local flying club. I think the personal connections with people who are able to understand what you’re going through really help. 30 years a pilot myself, and every minute worth it.
Santa Paula, I did not know anyone else knew of that little Ventura Co. Airport. I learned to fly out of that a/p. That was many years ago. Like you I can”t pass the medical any more. I flew many cool airplanes out of Santa Paula. From Piper cubs, AT-6, Vultee V1A. Spartan Exutive, to a German ME 108. Also hot air balloon. That is the coolest a/p all 2000 ft of it. I have not been there in years. I miss those days.
My initial training was at Camarillo, and we would land at Santa Paula, [ no -touch-and-goes’….you’d wind up in the brush in the creek !]. Flying downwind against the bluff was good training, like landing at Nut Tree, here in the Sacramento area.
I’m 75 now, got my certificate in 2009, and hope to fly until I’m 90…. when no insurance co. will insure a GA pilot.
I’m a member of 2 EAA chapters here, with a lot of younger pilots to eventually fly with.!
Your story resonates with me. I obtained my private in ’66, my instrument in ’68, rented planes for 5 years and was looking for a 182 when a friend told me about a Mooney for sale. That was it. It was Mooneys for me untill I lost my medical. My wife and I loved how it expanded our weekends and vacations. So often friends and relatives were able to go with us to Chicago, Salt Lake City, New York, Washington, Cape Cod, Niagara Falls, Texas, Florida, the Bahamas and many, many other places from our home in Michigan. I was found to have atrial fibrillation in ’64. and this worsened over the years. The FAA medical people were very interested, and my medicals took a while, but I could fly untill ’87. My family Dr was a big help. He always sent a positive report to the FAA and congratulated me when I got my medical, but he would always add “don’t fly over my house”. Eventually, I wound up with a pacemaker and a defibrillator.
I had heart surgeries at the U of M, the Cleveland Clinic and treatment at local hospitals, but after 3 weeks in John Hopkins Hospital after passing out in a hotel lobby, the FAA revoked my medical. But I could still fly my Mooney if a qualified pilot was with me. I had 3 friends who met the extensive insurance requirements but that was not satisfactory as my travel depended on their availability. I did that for a few years, but one of them moved out of state, another died, and the 3rd was gone most of the time flying corporate jets.
I then took glider flying lessons, and bought a Grob 109 sailplane, but I sold it after flying it from California to my home in Michigan. It was “loiter” flying and I loved going someplace fast in my Mooney.
That was it. I’ve been grounded since. The feds were afraid I’d die at the controls, but here I still am at 84. I still proudly carry my pilot’s license – the original – in my wallet, along with my radio station license, and an air-to-air photo of my favorite Mooney. I still tell people I’m a pilot if an aviation subject comes up in a conversation.
I too was a Mooneiac, I flew my Money many times from SNA, ( Orange county, CA) to Key West & back, plus many other long distance flights to the Midwest, and Northwest…. Am now 73, post heart surgery, no hope for a medical. But now they have a sport licence with no medical requirements, My plan, get a piper cub with 85 HP and fly again. As they say, once a pilot, always a pilot..
Gliders. Ultralights. Both are actually more fun, cheaper, and require no medical. Light Sport if you have never been turned down for FAA medical. Safety Pilot. It aint over my friend
I recently sold the aircraft I built and moved to another state to be by children and grandchildren as my wife has major health issues. I’m a long time but low time pilot as life and family finances sometimes gets in the way. Once retired and financially able I built my aircraft, a Zenith CH750 STOL, which was a joy to build and fly. Do I miss fly? You bet. But,
I gave it up for the best of reasons, my wonderful soul mate and best friend, my wife of almost 50 years.
Yves: I can sympathize: last October, after a 65-year flying career, I was deemed medically unfit. By adding a pilot to my insurance to act as PIC, I continued getting airborne, but it’s not the same. My aircraft is going up for sale shortly.
It does sting.
John
Yves … My condolences to you. I’ve been flying for 54 years and got my medical back after a 4 year odyssey with the FAA. I do understand the feeling. I can’t imagine walking away from flying. I hope to fly until I’m 80 (6 more years), and hopefully as PIC. But if I begin to slip, I will hang it up. I’m realistic about that anyway.
You didn’t disclose the details of your condition (nor am I asking you to do that), but the flying doesn’t have to stop. I maintained landing currency and instrument currency during the last four years, as well as my CFI. I continued to teach to the extent that I could legally. When I got the medical back I took a CAP annual checkride, a flight review, and an IPC on the same day with a very thorough check pilot to make sure I wasn’t deceiving myself. Flying with another pilot, but not as PIC during the past four years was a minor inconvenience. Not being able to fly with my family was the biggest disappointment.
Assuming your condition allows, I hope you can find some way to get back in the air with another pilot, and be able to keep your skills intact. Granted, it isn’t PIC time, but you have 30 years of experience that you can share with other pilots nonetheless (whether or not you are a CFI), and you may be able to add to the good memories you have accumulated. I wish well and all the best.
A defibrillator which has never ‘fired’ in almost 20 years. A doctor who once said “you would be a safer pilot than I; you HAVE a means of controlling a possible attack”. Too bad the FAA doesn’t agree………………
It has been said by folks smarter than I that there can really only be two bad days in a pilot’s life. One is the day that he goes to the airport knowing it is his last flight. The other is the day that he goes to the airport without knowing it will be his last flight. Now is the time to cultivate your flying friends and help to pay for half of their hamburgers.
Well written, from the heart. Thank you!
I’ve been flying since 1964, and have maintained an FAA license since 1973. I am fortunate enough to have twin turbine which I fly in my ATP ME ticket…. But, I also have a light sport Searey Elite which has as much avionics capability as the twin (without a glide slope). It’s actually much more fun to fly, it can land almost anywhere, and as long as I’m still able to drive my car, I can fly my Searey The FAA might see fit to grant me a medical beyond age 80, but the insurance companies won’t insure me…or anyone over that age, even if you were an astronaut…
The FAA, bless their self-serving hearts, only cares about safety…not yours so much, but the safety of the citizens you fly over. Crashing a large 11,000 pound aircraft with 460 gallons of fuel into something at 300 KTS could be a thousand times more destructive than banging into the same thing with a 1300 pound aircraft carrying 20 gallons of fuel at 35 KTS. There’s a real difference in the danger to others. The insurance companies know that and just aren’t willing to take the risk.
There’s also the element of time. With the slower aircraft you’re flying VFR, and usually have a few more seconds if things go badly to find a place to put the plane down where neither you nor folks on the ground get injured. Such is not always true of transport category aircraft.
I suggest you you look at light sport aircraft or gliders so you can be a pilot again soon!
If I’m reading the FAA regs. ok, you can still fly a light sport, as long as you have a valid Drivers License.
There are a number of interesting 1320 lb. gross aircrft ! 🙂
Can’t go Sport Pilot if you’ve ever been denied a medical.
If he had never asked the doctor if he could still fly, and had he never taken another FAA physical, he could merely have begun to exercise his privileges as a Sport Pilot. Of course, his 172 is not an LSA so he could no longer fly that plane.
He might also have gone the Basic Med Route.
Still, you are ethically required to self-access before each flight. If he’s really on danger of having an attack in flight, it’s time to hang it up.
Really well written, and many thanks for sharing pages from you book. Poignant. Nicely done, and kinda agree Porsches and fast bikes bring many similar memories and sensations.
Get a corvette.
Yves, wow, thank you for sharing. I am a 31 y/o pilot currently trying to renew my medical after nearly dying/enduring a plethora of injuries in a car wreck last Dec. I was in-between part 135 (out of SNA) and 121 (probably SLC) jobs when it happened, and now I’m in a world of uncertainty (near RDU). If (/when?) I resume flying, I will think of your story and cherish the airborne sunset view even more.
Great story, and very meaningful for me (am 78 years old) and been flying much longer than you. And yes, I have enjoyed those Buffalo Burgers at Catalina as well having called KOKB, KCRQ and KFUL (close to you) home over the years, but most of my later years have been in the northwest – Seattle area and have managed to touch down in over 124 fields in the state of Washington. I know the end is coming, but still enjoy every “lift off” nearly as much as the first – many decades ago! My first plane was also a P28-180, and still fly an Archer II. When I end my flying days, I wish to stop and have no regrets. But until them I will enjoy every flight and every day as if it were my last. My best wishes to you and thank you for your article.