I’ve told the story before of my first attempt to get involved in aviation, and my absolutely dismal failure.
It was sophomore year at Glastonbury High School in rural central Connecticut. A US Navy recruiter came to speak to students who were open to enlisting in the military.
That may seem like no big deal today, but in 1973, the US had just left Viet Nam and the gaping national wound was nowhere near being healed.
Enlisting was not a popular choice in my day.
Before the start of class, I approached my geometry teacher to ask for a dismissal so I could attend the recruiter’s presentation. She knocked down my request without a second thought. My less than stellar class performance and erratic return of homework assignments told her that I was not pilot material, and she made that opinion clear to all within earshot.
I didn’t get to hear what the Navy recruiter had to say. I didn’t become a pilot as a teenager, or even get started on the path to pilot-hood. Instead I doubled down on my listlessness, got cozy with the unending boredom of high school, and made absolutely no attempt to find meaning in my education or a productive direction to my life.
I’d like to think I was alone in this experience, but I’m not. Decades later my daughter experienced a substantially similar thing at the same age, when a teacher swatted my daughter’s hopes to the ground like an annoying insect.
The teacher asked my then 16-year old what she’d like to do for a living when she grew up. When my girl answered, “I want to be a fighter pilot,” the female teacher made her try again, saying, “That’s a man’s job.”
Yes, that actually happened in the 21st Century in a well ranked public high school.
Too often — far too often — the natural response when in conversation with a kid who shows a sudden, unexpected desire to do something different, is to squash that dream flat. To crush it. To kill it. To make it clear that the kid doesn’t have what it takes and probably never will.
Now think about that for a minute. Just consider what that sort of entirely negative feedback does to the hopes and dreams of a young impressionable boy or girl.
In my case, it put me off the idea of flying for a decade. It took me that long to realize that what others thought I was capable of doing had nothing to do with what I was actually capable of doing.
With that realization well established in my head, I did become a pilot and created an entirely new career as a result of achieving that goal.
Sadly, we as a culture have become proficient at trying to mold the young into duplicates of ourselves. If at all possible, slightly less ambitious, less successful duplicates.
We ignore their dreams and do our best to insert limitations into their lives. It’s as if there is a national obsession with holding back our progeny so that we can feel better about the decisions we’ve made in life and the level of success we’ve achieved.
“No” has become a thoroughly appropriate response to a kid who thinks big and has the audacity to share their vision with others.
“You can’t do that,” has become the anthem we adults are most comfortable with.
“That’s not a practical goal” sounds awfully good to someone who doesn’t have a clue how to get from here to there, even if that offhand rejection is a brutal disappointment to the dreamer who showed enough faith to share their hopes.
It has become entirely appropriate in modern culture to do our best to obstruct the path of those who are coming up behind us. Amazingly enough, there seems to be nothing shameful or disreputable about admonishing children to think small, aim low, and accept a lesser existence than they might have hoped to achieve.
Thankfully, this astoundingly short-sighted behavior isn’t universal. There are people pushing back against the tide. Folks with vision, and drive, and a faith that kids can find success at the things they dream of, even if they do have weird haircuts, tattoos, questionable fashion sense, and less than melodic musical preferences. They know that at 15 years of age, we, the readers of this column, were not the men and women we would one day become.
We too were a little slow in some respects. We hadn’t developed the judgment that would come to us later. We didn’t have any money to speak of, since most of us were still unemployed. Our grades might not have been impressive, our verbal skills could have used some brushing up, and our resistance to taking pretty much any aspect of life seriously might have been perceived as a serious limitation.
But somebody took a liking to us and showed us the first few steps on the path that led us to where we are today. Thank goodness.
I sincerely hope you are one of those few shining lights.
Let’s be inappropriate for a change. When a kid who gets squeamish at the sight of blood tells us he or she wants to be a surgeon, let’s consider encouraging them instead of going the other way.
When our often clumsy and frequently accident-prone niece or nephew announces they want to become an Olympic gymnast, let’s help find them a coach.
And when a daydreamer with low test scores and a less than vibrant drive to excel at geometry says they want to become a pilot, let’s share a link to the Pilots Handbook of Aeronautical Knowledge and see to it that daydreaming becomes a little more focused in the future.
It’s at least worth a shot, don’t you think?
Completely agree with the author of the article . A buddy and myself was sent to one of these high school vocational guidance experts and I was told I could be good in a bank and my buddy was told he should leave school and obtain a laboring job. My buddy ended up as the CEO of one of the largest bank in the country and myself a aeronautical engineer and 38 years with a airline .
Damn I thought I was the only one that harbored .i’ll feelings about not going the aviation career path. Except it was my dad that crushed my dreams. I learned to fly and soloed when I was 17. My dad and I bought a 1976 Piper Cherokee in 1978, built a runway on the farm, and knew what I wanted to do. Airline or at least a commercial pilot with my own company. He said “you needro farm and buy more land that’s stable that flying is fun but it’s too dangerous etc. etc. 40 years later and I almost hate him because the crops we e raise are the same priceas in 1978, but everything else is 1000x higher. Sir I have lots of land but we sold our plane and never bought another one back. Well I’m starting constructionon a runway and looking for a plane. He is still alive at 89 living at home and wanted to know what I was doing. I said I’m going to build runway and start flying again! You should have thought I told him I was going to puthim in a nursing home. Well I said addy least I am going to have some fun before I die and not going to wear myself or like him and walk like a crab. The fun thing is if he doesn’t stop complaining, I will put him in a home! He can look out the window as I fly over it!
The point is DO WHAT YOU DREAM OF! DON’T LET ANYONE SHOOT YOU DOWN! PROVE THEM WRONG AND LET THEM SEE HOW SUCCESSFUL YOU ARE AT AVATION! Don’t be setting there 40 years later wishing!
Good for You Mark! Never too late. Look at Dick Karl, who writes for Flying. He left medicine in his 60’s and became a charter pilot.
Had a similar counselor in my public HS. Lazy, obese, and claimed to be a member of Mensa. Fortunately, I had role models that countered his stupidity, and I was excelling in the CAP cadet program. As a result, our kids and related ones did not waste time seeing them unless it was required. If it was, we reprogrammed them. OTOH, I have met some good ones in private schools and focused STEM schools.
Great article. I’m a professional Firefighter, not a professional pilot. But, I do fly my own plane. A retired Division Chief, I now am Coordinator of the Wildland Training progeam at our local College. I have many young men and women come to me saying”I want to be a Wildland Firefighter!” I get them signed up for our basic Wildland Academy, and give them a list of agencies that hire seasonals. Then I ask them “so, where do you see yourself in 20 years? Still bent over, cutting handline every summer?” Blank looks. So, I spend an hour showing them career opportinities with USFS, BLM, municipal fire departments, and EMS. Many have gone on to pursue those goals.
You ne young man and I had the same conversation. Then he didnt finish the training. Then, he thought he wanted to go into Law Enforcement. That didnt work either. Bit, during our initial talk, I mentioned I’m a pilot and have my own plane. He got really excited, so I took him out for a fun flight. A year later, he calls me and asks how he can get a career in Aviation. I got him to attend a meetng with local aviation employers through Pathways to Aviation, and now he’s taking flying lessons.
If they have the passion for something, it is our responsibility to show them the possibilities, not limitations.
I had a very different experience upon entering high school.
Of course we had taken the required tests, etc.
I was told I could be anything i wanted to be or do anything i wanted.
It took me another 8 years, however, to “find” aviation and then i jumped in at the watering hole and started swimming toward an amazing, rewarding, and fun aeronautical life – still going on!
Can’t was never in my vocabulary, anyway!
A
Years ago, I was told at the end of my freshmen year at University by a “guidance counselor” to drop out and find something else to do as I was not college material. For the sake of brevity, let me just say that 30 years later when he applied for employment at a large city Board of Education where I was administering a program, I had the pleasure of retiring the favor. Karma
Like many who will read this, I always wanted to be a pilot.
My dreams were dashed when a well-meaning, but completely ignorant, teacher told me that you had to be good at math to be a pilot… I wasn’t.
Luckily, I was hard-headed and pursued my dream anyway.
Years later, as I flew a US Customs helicopter into an elementary school ball field for a show and tell, a well-meaning teacher asked if it was true that you had to be good at math to be a pilot, I stated loudly: no ma’am.
I explained that while getting good grades made someone more competitive for jobs, learning to fly had more to do with hand-eye coordination and good judgement.
My partner later told me that the teacher was staring holes in me the whole time.
Enticing kids to do well in school is fine, but dashing dreams is not.
“High school guidance counselors.” Yeah, no kidding. I had terrible grades, but I always liked doing what I liked doing. Keeping a long story short, I got into flying after a stint with the Army, who wouldn’t let me fly because I wore glasses, but whose grades were good enough for OCS. It was during Viet Nam, so they must have waivered the requirements (weak grin).
Learned to fly afterwards. Still flying after a nice career in GA, corporate, airline and some government flying. 51 years doing what a I like and putting some acceptable food on the table for me and mine.
Avoid naysayers who impose their own limitations on everyone else. Beat your own drum and press on…
My father and his insurance man both said I would “worry you mother” if I started flying. Of course being the dutiful son, I would never worry my mother. After I was grown, out of the Navy and with 2 kids, I decided I could make the leap and it led to a great career. Oh how I wish I’d have started 10 years earlier! A lot of false career starts and a lot of frustration would have been erased, but I can say with certainty that all that made me more grateful for the opportunity and more determined to be good at it.
Great article. It is a shame when an adult will not help a kid dream. I’m a former Air Force pilot and still flying for the Civil Air Patrol (CAP). I never shut off a kid who aspires to fly. I suggest they try CAP. Through cadet orientation rides, they get that chance to fly the aircraft whether it is powered or glider. I also emphasize the importance of doing well academically. The better you are at studying the easier it will be to learn the book knowledge to take into the air.
In June, I will be an instructor at National Flight Academy hoping to teach CAP cadets to solo and hopefully they continue the adventure to become full fledge pilots. It is important to help the youth “slip the surly bonds of Earth … and done a hundred things you never dreamed of.”
When I was a High School sophomore, I took a private pilot ground school at the local community college. When it was time to take my private pilot written, I asked my guidance counselor for permission to take a half day out of school to take the written. (This was 1971, before computer testing. I had to drive 50 miles to the city where I could take the test.)
He, of course said “no.” So I skipped school and took the test anyway. I got in trouble for skipping school, but so what! I look back all these years later and think how closed minded the guidance counselor was. I’ve had a good career flying airplanes.
My own mother was the naysayer, since she never accomplished what she wanted to do either. I was just 6 when I had my first airplane ride in my uncle’s 172. I REALLY liked it and when I told mom I wanted to be a pilot she just said, “No, not for people like us. We don’t have that kind of money and women don’t do that.”
My first husband squashed my hopes too, so we eventually divorced, and it wasn’t till I started my own business, earned enough money, that I finally got to fly. I’m now a CFI and ATP. Mom never got to see my airplane(s) before she died, but dad loved flying with me every weekend till he passed away.
Right on, Jamie. I guess I may have been wired a bit differently growing up. Whenever I was told I could not do something, that was all the motivation I needed to prove that I could. That’s the ticket I would punch for your daughter and explain to her that she can prove that teacher wrong (although I am certain that you probably did).
Never take career advice from someone whose nickname is “Coach” . . .
Great article. I can relate to much of same experiences but not because of grades but because I wore glasses.
I knew what I wanted to do and have lived my dream. Fifty years as a pilot, forty-seven years as a Charter and Corporate pilot, flying airplanes, and helicopters. I smiled every morning going to work.
Have tried to encourage everyone who shows an interest in Aviation. No person is to young or to old to pursue their dreams.
Enjoyed the article. However, April 1975 is the date when everybody left the country.
Batr,
My sympathies at losing your father at such a young age. It sounds like he was driven.
Fortunately, my family has always been supportive of my aviation dreams. They aren’t quite goals, because I don’t have deadlines for them.
But, aviation seems to be a background theme for my life. My father worked at Cessna and Boeing in Wichita, and I worked at Beechcraft and Cessna as well. My career has been in engineering (BSEE/MSEE but mostly software development.) I flew U-Control as well as R/C planes, and have a few pre-solo hours of dual instruction.
I originally was going to be an aeronautical engineer, but that was when Apollo was ending, and a fellow ham at the university said that lots of AEs were being laid off. That’s how I ended up in Electrical Engineering/software.
My Daughter learned to fly instruments before she could see enough out the windows to fly VFR.
She got her instrument ticket as soon as she could afford it, after getting a degree in PT.
She doesn’t fly privately now because of lack of proficiency, her time is taken by her 4 grandchildren and a chain of several PT Clinics, but she still flies with me when she visits several times a year.
Outstanding article and great point by Jeffrey Madison……have to wonder about Angry Old Man
though….can’t really say you’ve been “successful “ and in the same breath say you’ve been angry
and bitter for 50 years? Let it go mate, you’re alive and kicking 50 years on, many others aren’t.
Good article. I too was fortunate to have people enter my life at the right time to encourage me to achieve goals that might otherwise remained daydreams.
When I was sitting beside my dad in the auditorium where freshman orientation was held for architecture students at Texas Tech in 1966 I felt him stiffen up when the dean of the college predicted that only 10% of the 400 people in the room would graduate with a degree in Architecture. My reaction at that moment was “oh yeah, stand back and watch me”. That dean ended up being my thesis advisor and when I graduated I couldn’t help but think, “revenge is sweet”. He was right though, out of a freshman class of over 400 only 36 graduated. My dad later told me that a counselor at Colorado College had told him, after he came back from the Army Air Corps in WWII, that he didn’t have what it takes for college. That remark damaged his psyche and took 30 years before he finally recovered from it but he made a career in aviation and held one of the very few pilot certificates noted “All ratings approved” when he died of a brain tumor at age 54.
Excellent article! Your sentiments are right on and totally relatable.
When our local Girl Scout Council was given a chance (2005) to have an early version of Aero STEM at an airport – to include a Young Eagles flight the exact response was “Girls don’t want to fly” Ha! I called a local lady who happened to be a retired General and casually repeated the story. “Get off the phone!” she exclaimed – “I have a serious call to make!” The Aero STEM class ran as planned. But, most Girl Scout groups will not let their young ladies fly. So you have their version of a career day – end it – and step over the line to the Young Eagles event. Same with Boy Scouts in most cases. Its a liability thing..
A putz for a teacher. When a simple “Of course. And if that’s still your goal when you come back, we’ll figure out what you’ve got to do to attain it…”
Ahh, high school “guidance” counselors . . . total and complete losers who get off on squashing people’s dreams and goals. Most of these clowns couldn’t hold down a job flipping burgers.
I was invited to my 50th year HS graduation party. Told them I’d go under one condition.
“I fly the lead B-52 in the first strike package.”
I’ve been successful in spite of them, but I wonder how many promising, enthusiastic youngsters have listened to these “expert educators” and had their lives derailed in order to become obedient robots at some internet fulfillment warehouse?
Yes, I am still bitter and vengeful after half a century.
I also lived that article, but in spite of the doomsayers, I became an A&P Mechanic. I had a successful career for 20 years!
Similar experience with a guidance counselor, who had a model of an F-100 Super Sabre on his filing cabinet. “You don’t have the grades to be a pilot”. Did it anyway. Maybe not the college, military, airline route, but a rewarding career nonetheless. I love the idea of sharing the Airplane Flying Handbook with a daydreamer. Might be all it takes. Love your articles Jamie!
Fantastic article. So relevant in this #MeToo moment, where we’re just now finding out how tough it is for a female to achieve her dreams, still. Some people think it’s no big deal to reveal a personal memory like yours, and also to use a family member as an example. They’re wrong. It takes courage. I applaud you.
Fantastic article. So relevant in this #MeToo moment, where we’re just now finding out how tough it is for a female to achieve her dreams, still.
Very good article. There are so many inspiring stories of those who were given negative feedback and yet became great. You have to encourage people to follow their dreams. Reaching your full potential is not dependent on the opinions of others. Educators are in a unique position to help and encourage you people.