A few weeks ago, I had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen, or spoken with, in years.
He flew transports in Vietnam and the first Gulf War for the U.S. Air Force.
He flew Boeing 737s for an airline.
He also flew Boeing 737s as part of a Part 91 operator.
He has been, and remains, a dedicated and hardworking member of our shared community.
He’s also an alcoholic.
All the above I knew when we sat down for lunch.
What I didn’t know was that he was — past tense — also a liar.
Many years ago, my friend — he will forever remain my friend — and I came together to work on a community project each spring. We partnered up for a handful of years on this project.
As if often the case in life, when a day’s work is done, an invitation to have a beer is extended. He told me, in that moment, he was an alcoholic and declined my invitation.
While he didn’t need to say anything more, he shared a bit of his back story with alcohol. I remember feeling proud of him for recognizing his struggle and taking action.
Over lunch, he admitted to me that all that time he had been secretly sipping on a hidden flask — such was the power alcohol had over him.
He lied to me. For which I forgive him. Worse, he lied to himself. I can’t imagine his inner struggle in those moments.
He told me he is now a member of Birds of a Feather (BOAF).
“What is Birds of a Feather?” you may ask, as like me, you may have never heard of this organization.
From its website: “Birds of a Feather International is a worldwide network of meetings based on the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was established for pilots and cockpit crewmembers, active or inactive, in private, commercial, or military aviation.”
My friend and some fellow aviators have re-organized the South Puget Sound BOAF chapter, which is known as a nest. They meet via Zoom on the second and fourth Thursday of each month at 7 p.m.
He feels strongly that pilots, in active recovery, can support each other in ways that are unique to pilots.
I’m grateful my friend shared his story with me and pray each of his days end with success.
If you, or someone you know and care about, is an alcoholic, maybe Birds of a Feather can help.
Hats off to you, Ben. I had the good fortune of knowing your Dad and I am quite sure he would be VERY proud of who you are. The illness of alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping — and many other activities — are just that: illnesses. The organizations that have spun off of AA (that deal with these — let’s face it — “addictiions”) are life-savers. Like Jim (above), I am also not eligible for membership, but also like him, am married to a wonderful woman who is a member of one of these organizations. With only 27 years in the marriage, we are following in Jim’s and Mrs. Jim’s footsteps. Keep up the good work! I wish General Aviation News the best of everything in the coming years.
While I’m not qualified for membership in BOAF, I’ll share that one of my major distractions while in the cockpit was the fact that I’m married to an alcoholic. Fortunately, she found AA and I found Al-Anon. With almost 30 years in this program and 36 years still married, all is right in our lives.
One of the greatest gifts to me was finding that victims of alcohol are not necessarily bad people, but they have an illness. I have several friends that are recovering alcoholics and great pilots.
My hat is off to BOAF.