Romance aloft can be tricky

In the annals of aviation history there are an almost unlimited number of tales about hanky-panky going on in flight. Logic might tell you otherwise. After all, there have been only so many flights, with only so many people on them, most of whom behaved themselves. Certainly, a serious scientific study must be possible that would quantify the number of salacious incidents.

That is probably true. The pursuit is largely pointless, but if you had government grant dollars in hand and were charged with finding the true number of interpersonal encounters of a romantic nature while in flight, it’s plausible that you could do it. Human nature being what it is, however, there are undoubtedly multiple stories for many of the purported incidents. Gossip, basically.

I’ll give you an example. I have known an airline captain for many years. He’s retired now, but he flew international routes through much of the golden age of air travel. One story of his travels included the time a flight attendant came to the flight deck on an overnight intercontinental flight to report that a couple was “doing it” in economy class. She asked for a member of the crew to go back and tell them to knock it off.

The captain asked, “Are any passengers complaining?” The flight wasn’t fully booked, but there was a significant contingent of passengers aboard. The flight attendant replied, “No, they’re a few rows away from any other passengers.”

The captain considered for a moment, then made his ruling: “I’m not sending anyone back then. It’s not against any regulation I know of and if nobody is complaining, what’s the point?”

When told well, that’s a funny story. He swears it’s true, too.

Still, I have a sense that I am not the only person the captain ever told that story too. And it may well have morphed over the years to become a much more graphic story or with a much better punchline. Or it may have been modified to appear to be a first-person telling of a story that actually happened to my friend years before.

That’s not uncommon either. In 1967 the smash-hit tell all “Coffee, Tea, or Me?” was released by Bartholomew House as both a hardcover book and a paperback. While originally presented as a first-person tell-all penned by two Eastern Airlines flight attendants, that’s not really the case. First off, they weren’t flight attendants. They were stewardesses. A term that was worn proudly by many who filled the role back then but was replaced by the more gender neutral “flight attendant” by the 1970s.

“Coffee, Tea, or Me?” wasn’t written by the stewardesses, either. It was actually ghostwritten by an American Airlines PR man named Bill Wenzel.

Even so, the largely embellished story of the glitz, glamour, and romance of the stewardess lifestyle and work environment exploded on the public scene, selling millions of copies over the years. It was even spun off directly or indirectly as a theatrical release movie and a few variations designed to be distributed by television.

Believe it or not, in the 1980s I was married to a flight attendant. We remain in touch to this day, although the marriage didn’t last long at all. I can say, however, the lifestyle did bear some resemblance to the stories in the book and movie. It was an interesting period of time when being young and traveling extensively seemed far more alluring than it might have truly been. The illusion caused the role of flight attendant to become quite appealing to many men and women from either side of the drink cart.

This all comes to mind as I continue to hear stories of flight instructors, almost exclusively young men, who have not been able to disconnect their libido from their professional responsibilities when they find themselves enclosed in a tight cockpit with a female student.

If you are one of these CFIs who believes it is perfectly reasonable to troll for a Friday night companion while in flight, I would like to offer you this well thought-out and carefully crafted piece of advice without reservation or conditions: Cut it out.

“Your hair smells great” is not a comment your student is likely to find flattering or helpful as she struggles to get her ground reference maneuvers locked in. Even when the workload is reduced, such as when cruising along straight and level on a cross-country flight, your female student isn’t secretly hoping you’ll announce your amorous intentions. She’s trying to find her next checkpoint, dial in a new frequency, listen for her N-number from ATC, or any number of other concerns any flight student might be focusing on.

So, take these top 3 suggestions to heart:

1. Keep your hands to yourself.
2. Focus on and discuss the flight and your student’s performance.
3. Try to live with the realization that she may be more into the airplane than she is into you.

Of course, there are exceptions to any rule, this one included. I have known flight attendants who have married pilots. Some of them even stayed married for many years. To each other.

One couple I am quite fond of occasionally laugh and joke with me about the no-dating your flight student rule. They both believe the rule to be valid. They both agree that being hit on by your flight instructor is awkward, uncomfortable, and an unnecessary distraction that inhibits learning. But they acknowledge — with a degree of irony — that they met when he was her flight instructor.

Life can throw you a curve now and then. Perhaps if we all just agree to conduct ourselves in an acceptable manner when serving in a professional manner, we won’t be disappointed too often. We’re probably less likely have charges filed against us too.